Funerals & Family

Today we buried Tim's last grandparent, his grandmother Doris. Having all my grandparents pass away before I turned 9, except a distant grandmother I never saw, I really never knew what it was like to have grandparents. Here's what I remember.

Arthur, Doris, Alex & Brandy Verbeke Easter (Tim's paternal grandparents)

Going over to my (maternal) grandmother's house every day after school and sitting with her while she cooked. I remember, from the eyes of a child, how very tall my grandfather was, but very quiet. My (paternal step) grandfather as a short Italian man with a full head of white hair & moustache and no teeth. We used to rub his moustache because it was so soft and he would pretend to bite our fingers. Our (paternal step) grandmother was tall with a large stature. She was always in an apron and cooking from the largest pots I'd every seen. They loved one another very much, but I remember when they'd argue, it was very intense and ALL in Italian with a lot of hand motions.

Gus, Alex, Brandy & Edna Rieger Christmas (Tim's maternal grandparents)

When I met Tim's family I felt he was so blessed because he still had 2 sets of grandparents still alive and thriving. The family got together for Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and occasionally sporadic. It was huge chaotic fun. As our kids grew, the times together grew more and more sparse because we were going many different ways. I still embraced the times we went to see his grandparents though. He didn't really understand my fascination or need, but when you have been without and given the opportunity to have, take it and cherish what's given.

Richard, Brandy, Glenda & Alex Pretto Thanksgiving (My Mom & Dad)

At my age we have been to many funerals of close relatives, the most heartbreaking one being my mom's funeral. The loss of a loved one in a close knit family can have devastating affects, some for the good, some for the bad. One family was completely torn apart during the death of an uncle, my mom's funeral healed of the pain, but there is a lot more healing to come.

Art & Judy Verbeke (Christmas) Tim's Parents

Today's funeral felt like I was sitting back and watching from old movie slides, where all the drama was slow and happened in pieces. We were reunited with an old parish Priest we really loved long ago, we watched truths come out that had been held inside for decades, we saw relief from loved ones that their mom was out of pain.

But the one thing that brought tears to my eyes is when my mother-in-law, Judy and I were talking about our soon-to-be son Zander. You know the old jokes about in-laws being out-laws, etc. well this was definitely not this time. She was telling me how my father-in-law had just ordered "Chinese geese" for their pond and how he had just ordered 3 berry trees grown in China. All for our little Zander so that he could have heritage at their house. I cried, yes, because one of these wonderful parents came from the woman who we were celebrating in death. Thank you Doris for the most wonderful son a mother could have, because he and his wife gave me the best gift anyone could give, their son as my husband.