The Seat Next To Me

As we were leaving St. Louis heading for Chicago, I was thinking to myself, "If we have to be on a plane going somewhere, I would much rather be on a long flight so we wouldn't have to take-off & land so many time." You see I LOVE to fly, I just don't like the take-off & landing part.

But this Chicago trip, although only an hour, was one of the best flights I had. Sitting next to me was a petite woman. She was on her side, looking out the window when she looked over at me and moved over a seat and started a conversation. She asked where we were going and we explained our journey to China to get our son. She mentioned over and over how amazed she was and asked what made us choose to adopt. I explained to her the Bible verse James 1:27 where it states to take care of widows and orphan. I told her how God had placed adoption on our heart and made it possible for us to adopt our little boy.

She looked at me and said, "so you're a sister?" I was a bit confused and then she said, "you're a sister of, " and pointed up to the sky. I said yes, I am a sister in Christ Jesus, a Christian. She went on to tell me how she had friends who were sisters, Christian friends. I asked her belief, she told me she was a Buddhist.

She asked MANY questions, "How were we sure we were supposed to adopt? I answered God placed it in our hearts and she commented how when she made decisions, she was never REALLY sure what she was supposed to do. She talked about her 4 sons and about how one, ate 21 was mentally challenged and it was so hard and she spent so most of her time wondering what had caused it and what would I do if I had a mentally challenged child. I told her to stop wondering what had caused it because that could not be changed, just accept the person he was and the attributes he has and build them from there.

We talked about SO much in the first 30 minutes I felt I knew her forever (ok, those of you who know me this isn't a surprise is it, I never meet a stranger). She told me about her friend and said how much I reminded her of her because of my belief and assuredness in my beliefs. She asked how I learned and I told her from reading God's word, the Bible, it's all in there, all the stories, all the knowledge given to us by God. She said her friend told her just to visit a church (which she said there are some Christian churches in Japan) and just listen with an open mind and heart.

She asked me the same and I told her the same except I told her to look at a Bible (unfortunately I didn't have a hard copy with me, only the one on my laptop). She said that if she went, she would have many many questions. I told her that all she had to do was ask and she would be told the answers.

She explained she had 4 days in Chicago to tour and then she would be traveling back to Japan. She said her oldest son is in St. Louis attending Lindenwood College for business and has only been here 6 months. She said she Skypes with him and I told her we had set-up Skype in order to talk with friends back home while in China.

Well, the flight was over and she again told us how wonderful it was to talk with us and as we were waiting for passengers to depart the plane, she quickly wrote on a piece of paper and gave it to me. She explained it was her Skype address and asked if I would be willing to Skype with her. I said of course and she couldn't believe I said yes. She smiled as she walked away and said, "I will have MANY, MANY questions, I would like if you could answer for me after I go to this church."

My eyes teared up and I said I definitely would try and prayed right there for God to give me the words for my new friend when we do connect, because we will.

The take-off & landing doesn't matter anymore, it's what happens in between. Thank you God for the person in the seat next to me because it was Jesus. Please pray for my new friend Koyama.

Blessings Everyone,
Francine

We're Off!

Well we are off or should I say sitting at St. Louis International airport getting ready to be off. Yesterday was a whirlwind of packing, packing & more packing. Last night trying to sleep was a cough-fest between Carmen & myself so as you can imagine, we didn't get a lot of sleep.

This morning at 4 am as the alarm went off I was very angry at it, I just wanted to sleep and then I thought about seeing our little boy in just 24 hours and was up and atem. It was quite a production at our house, we all have such different personalities in the morning. Tim is an extremely quiet person in the morning, Carmen & I are loud and raring to go. Richie is a middle man, half quiet & half a bit rowdy.

As I was blow-drying my hair, with Tim trying to brush teeth and comb his hair, it was a battle over the cord in the way. Then when he left for some reason I looked up and there was one of my best friends, at 430 in the morning mind you, fully dressed, hair done, etc. She said she just so happened to be up so she came to see what was happening at the Verbeke household.

Well, she got quite a show with all or us in our glory, bantering back and forth, then trying to get out the door. The airlines tell you to be at the airport 3 hours early for international flights and me, as the literal person I am, was bound and determined to get us there 3 hours early.

Now it's one hour from our flight and we should've waited another hour UGH! At least with this trip to China we aren't bringing any carry-ons, we checked it all, which is so nice not to have to worry about toting rolling luggage everywhere.

Well Zander, here we come, ready or not! We can hardly wait to meet you!

Well, this is about how I was feeling before going to bed last night. Our home resembles that reality tv show called "Hoarders" because we have bags from every type of store around with things to pack. Oh, did I mention nothing is packed yet? We first had to pack to go out of town this weekend for the swim championships. If everything goes well, we should arrive back home around 11 pm Sunday night. Did I also mention Sunday is Carmen's 13th birthday and I have still yet to find "the" card I wish to give her? I have one more day right (believe it or not I have looked several places and nothing grabs my attention). I was feeling VERY overwhelmed yesterday, trying to fit in everything, make everyone happy, and just plain going in all directions. 


After doing laundry I fell into bed and Tim asked, "Oh, is it time for your 10 minutes of sleep?" I know, as many BTDT (been there done that) adoptive parents probably do, that the last few days before you leave there are so many things running through your head that it's hard to sleep.


This morning I got up early, packed for the weekend out (Carmen was already at champs, she went the night before with wonderful friends so she wouldn't have to get up at 430 to leave). I was dreading the 2 hour drive to Carbondale because I don't like driving by myself long distances on 2-lane roads. But this morning was so different, why? because I noticed after driving about 15 miles that I wasn't alone at all.


I was listening to our local Christian station, Joy FM (99.1) and they were talking about peace. It was very early and the sun was just starting to come up and I could see the mist rising and the sun rays through the mist and the trees. I started laughing! It had been a while since I had taken the time to just "enjoy" one of God's biggest gifts, PEACE. 


Then I had to admit....my overwhelming feelings  didn't have anything to do with juggling many different things, I was purposely, not consciously, filling up my time so I wouldn't have to think. Because if I had time to think, I had to admit....I was scared! Not scared of flying for 18-20 hours with a teen and a 10 yr. old, not scared knowing that when I get back home that 2 of my families I cared for will not be there, not scared of seeing our daughter move to NYC when we get back, not scared of traveling all over a foreign country for almost 3 weeks.


You know what scares the heck out of me? That this little boy who has only known one way of life, one family, one routine, one mama....will be scared of me. I have read all the books, read and reread people's blogs, heard horror stories and harrowing stories, but this time it's not them, it's us, it's our turn.


After acknowledging this while driving, I was most blessed with the feeling of peace and happiness because I asked God to take away the fear, to take away the doubt, take away all the negative feelings and He did. I "let go" and surrendered because I know I have to have the faith that He knows exactly what He's doing and that's placing our son in our family. 


When I arrive back home on Sunday evening, I can't promise I won't be freaking out about getting all our stuff packed and together, but this time there will be a difference. The only thing I will be filling my thinking time with is, Zander, here we come, ready or not!


Blessings to you and thank you for reading.
Francine

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you.

There are so many things to post since my last update. Our travel approval has come, we have a date set to leave, we are over the top with being so close. But how can we leave when there is SO MUCH LEFT TO DO! It seems you wait FOREVER for this time to come, some days the wait seems like it will never end...Then one day you wake up and Oh Crud! We are leaving in 2 weeks from today!

Today is that day for me, 2 weeks from today we will be on a plane heading to Beijing to meet our son. But there is so much left here to do, so many loose ends to tie, so much DRAMA happening in our lives and we have no idea how we can leave with things the way they are, there are so many more donations that I want to gather to bring over to Zander's foster home, but just don't have the time to gather....and then....

PEACE

i am really totally, 100% at peace with everything. God has granted me this peace because I am staying focused on Him, His word, His promises, His direction, His everything because I know He has it all worked out and if I trust in Him, He will keep me where I need to be, when I need to be, and give me the wisdom of His words when they need to be said, and lead me down the right path. Without malice I will speak, without judgment I will give fact, and with the love He shows me, I will give in return. 

I will update again tomorrow, but tonight my heart and mind are tired with everything going on in our family. Please pray for peace and guidance over our daughter and our grandchildren's father''s families. They are really struggling right now and we hope Peace for them also.

Blessings,

Francine

Nesting Nuttiness!

We have been through 3 biological pregnancies, all with their different types of "nesting". 

Brandy - Our first daughter came while I lived with my parents. With Brandy, the last 2 months of my mother's home was scrubbed from top to bottom, I drove my parents NUTS with constant scrubbing.

Alex - With our second daughter, we were under so much pressure in the military, our nesting went out the window since Tim was supposed to leave before Alexandria was even born and ended up being discharged 2 weeks after she came!

Carmen - With Carmen, the nesting was very smooth, calm and very calculated. I was older when I had Carmen, knew what to expect, excitedly decorated, had her name picked out from the moment we knew she was a girl and looked forward to every doctor's visit. We knew from conception (In Vitro Fertilization) she was there so this pregnancy was a VERY long one.

Zander - Although he is not our biological son, the nesting and pregnancy anxiety are very real. International adoption in China is longer than an actual 9 month, pregnancy. By the time we hold him in our arms, it will have been 8 months from seeing his little face and knowing he was our son. How much closer can you get to actual pregnancy? 

Rocking with Rosella - Our Both Hands Project

This morning I went to take final photos of our Both Hands Project. As I pulled up, Rosie was sitting in her new white-wicker rocker reading her Bible study for the day. The freshly painted porch with bursts of color coming from the new flowers planted could now be seen since all the weeds of the hillside were gone. I sat with her for a while, rocking with her, as she talked about yesterday and what it meant to her to be blessed by God through our team.

Yesterday had to be one of the MOST humbling, rewarding, spiritual times during our adoption process for me. When we decided to adopt, we had a rough idea of cost, but as we went on and our savings dwindled, our minds started churning for what we would be doing in order to raise funds for the remainder of our journey with as little debt as possible.

We prayed, we filled out grants, we worked second jobs, we are STILL fundraising! Just know that we do NOT like fundraising! If we ask for something, we wish to give something in return, it's just in our make-up. We had to get over it....because as we were reminded, the greatest gift ever given us is free, right? God's gift of Salvation.

We heard of the Lifesong Both Hands Project through friends that are also adopting. This project is based on the Bible verse James 1:27


²⁷ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.


Through this project, we, the adoptive parents, form a team of friends & family. We identify a widow/widower in need of repairs on their home. Due to circumstances, they do not have the financial or physical ability or close family to do many necessary repairs on his/her home. Our team then meets and sends out letters to ours & their friends and family requesting sponsorship for a day of working on the widow/widower's home. We visit area businesses in the community explaining our project and ask for material donations to complete the many projects identified. We then set the date, pray for good weather, and when it's time, we, along with the widow are blessed.


We will be sharing our video tomorrow evening so you can watch for yourselves the amazing work accomplished by our wonderful team.


Blessings,
Francine

Both Hands Project Countdown

Says: SAVE FOR TEAM DEPOT PROJECT *FRANCINE VERBEKE* LIFESONG

Today marks 6 days until our Both Hands Project to help a wonderful woman named Rosie. I know some people may not understand or feel lead to adopt, but our family could not feel more lead by God to adopt our son. There have been so many miracles happen throughout our journey. The latest being the donation of material and volunteers from a local Home Depot store. They have been AMAZING! I have yet to meet the manager, Stacey, who I have only spoken to twice, but have emailed back and forth. Yet through her hard work on the store's end, she managed to gain the materials for us and even had the lumber cut to the specifications needed to build our steps in order to save us on time & equipment. I will meet with her this week so I can photograph her for our video, but in the meantime, here is a few pics. from us picking up the materials. When we committed to this project it was to help raise funds for our adoption, while this is still important, is has taken a back burner to our NOW commitment. Seeing our team come together, even though it will be in the triple digits, seeing the material donations come, seeing the smile on Rosie's face this evening as we unloaded supplies, and mainly, sharing Christ with others that we tell about the project. This is what it has become for us, Christ's story and He allowing us to spread His message.

Six Weeks Seems Like Six Years

It's been a bit since I have posted, we have been hands-down, busier than we have ever been. We have swim practice twice daily w/kids, swim meets every Wed. & weekend, Vacation Bible School (we are teaching), grandkids staying on & off (2 month old through 6 yr. old), dentist, orthodontist, and dr. appointments, fundraising preparations, side jobs to raise funds, summer fun with kids planned, etc., etc, etc. But no matter how MUCH we put on our plates to keep us from thinking about the WAIT or the saying "the busier you are, the faster time flies", it doesn't matter. This next 6 weeks will be the agonizing wait.

We are in the "Article 5" wait right now. It will be (hopefully) picked up on the 19th, couriered to where it needs to go and then comes the 3-4 week wait for Travel Approval, then the 2 day wait to get a consulate appointment THEN we can make our plane reservations!

Zander just received his package from us last week. I am really impressed with the USPS, it took less than 2 weeks! Here are some new pics of him in his new outfit. I absolutely LOVE the pictures of him looking at his recordable V-Tech photo album. He looks so curious!

All Smiles!

Zander's Classic Look

Looking at Sister Carmen

Who Are Those People?

Mother's Day With My Girls

My Mother's Day was one of the best I have had. 

I have been blessed by our daughter Brandy by having 4 beautiful grandchildren and the fact that she got to spend her Mother's Day with all of them by her side. 

I was blessed by Alex by her coming over and having her 2nd swim lesson full of laughs and trust and a yummy fruit bouquet. 

I was blessed by Carmen by waking up to 12 (because that is her age) 11x14 sheets of paper of poems and sayings dedicated to my being her mom, all were taped with black electrical tape to 12 different places with flowers taped to them also. 

I am blessed with Zander, knowing he will be with us for my next Mother's Day and knowing he is with his wonderful foster mom this day.

I am blessed beyond measure for all of my treasures because they keep me close to God, through their struggles I pray, through their joy I give thanks, and through it all I give praise because I am so thankful for our children.

My Mom: I hope my mom, Glenda, is able to look down from Heaven and know how much I love and miss her. She was a wonderful woman inside and out with a heart of gold. Always caring, always there for another person and never thinking badly of anyone, she always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt toward goodness.

My Mother-In-Law: My MIL Judy gave me one of my greatest loves, my husband Tim. She works harder than any woman I know, she works tirelessly with her husband. I love her dearly. Today she had the whole family over to her home to celebrate not only Mother's Day, but also her grandson Nick's graduation and Easter (that was rescheduled because of illness). Thank you for being such a wonderful Mother-In-Law.

Mother's Day 2012

Today we celebrate mothers everywhere of every age, ethnicity, from all over the world. But today I would like to say thank you to a very special mother. I don't know your name, I don't know where you live, I don't know what it was like for you carrying your son and then having to make the courageous decision to place him where you knew he would be found right away and have a better life than you could provide. I don't know the where, why, or how of that day, but I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. My heart aches for what you must have felt and still feel. That little boy will very soon become officially our son, and without you, there would not be him. This poem is dedicated to you, I pray that one day, one way, we will meet in Heaven and I will be able to thank you there.

A Mother's Day Poem

Once there were tow women who never knew each other

Once you do not remember, the other you call Mother

Two different lives shaped to make you one.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.

One gave a a nationality, the other gave you a name

Once gave you a talent, the other gave you aim

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears

Once saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears

One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do

The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.

Now, which of these two women, are you the product of?

Both my darling, both, just two different types of love.

 - Author Unknown -

God doesn't make mistakes, every child is a blessing and has a purpose. 

Psalm 139:13-16 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Sharing a God Story

If anyone followed our journey as we went on mission as a family last summer (hint: www.verbekefamilyonmission.blogspot.com), you will know how we fell head-over-heels in LOVE with a set of twins from the Chenzhou SWI. There names are Lingli & Lingyi. One of the twins was healthy as could be, while the other was on an IV drip every morning and lacked muscle tone in her movements. But boy could she eat!

After we came home I was on a quest to adopt these girls, they were our girls, they had our heart and it killed me to leave them in that orphanage. Long story short we tried everything in our power to start their paperwork, got all information on them, contacted everyone we knew that might be able to help, etc. All to no avail, we weren't meant to be their mommy and daddy. This was an extremely hard reality to face. Then we found Zander and the world was right. He was the one meant to be our child, chosen by God to be our son.

This didn't mean we forgot about the girls, only that we had to pray that somehow we could be a part of their journey. Every month I would email their SWI asking questions, or we (via a friend, Shannon) would receive photo updates and we could see they were growing and looked healthy, but they were still in an orphanage.

Well a few days ago we received an email asking if we knew anything about the girls. We didn't reply right away, in fact we didn't reply at all, I just needed more information from the person asking about the girls. Then it came, an email with a request to contact the new mother who had accepted a referral for the girls.

Please bear with me as I draw this scene, children from China are placed all over the world, Europe, Netherlands, Amsterdam, Italy, Canada, England, etc. and I had the phone number of their new mother (I can't give names in order to protect their adoption). I called and left a message and within a couple hours received the return call. There family has 6 children (we were told at the beginning that twins were only placed with couples with no children, God working here the sign should read). They have 5 bio and 1 adopted. She was very worried about Lingli's special need and said I helped her calm fears she had.

Then came the blow (good one!). The family only lives 2 hours away from our family! Only God can orchestrate such a blessing. The girls are also almost the exact same age as our Zander. We plan on seeing them when they are home.

Remember, nothing, NOTHING is bigger or above God's power.

Blessings,
Francine

LOA - Waiting Update

Well, there's not much to post regarding our agonizing patient wait for our official Letter of Acceptance from China approving us to be Zander's parents. We have seen this go anywhere from 37 days to 176 days. When I have questioned what determines the number of days for approval, no one knows, it's just a gamble in a huge pot of LOAs.

We are officially on day 58 of our wait. Each day is a bit different, there's an anxious exhilaration on some days, just anticipating that "TODAY" is the day our LOA could come. Then by the end of the day I'm deflated. Then other days so much is happening it doesn't even cross my mind once (ok, who am I kidding, it crosses several times, I just to dwell).

Our contact from our agency just notified me that we are being transitioned to another agent. I thought it was because each agent has their own specialty and we had "graduated" from her class, which was meaning to me  we were getting much closer. NOT! Today I found out that our transition was due to our current agent leaving the company. Not in a bad way, she has decided to stay home with her own children, which I relate and admire also. It just bums me out because we really loved her. On with change right!

Tomorrow is a new day!

Sophia Lyn Verbeke

We have a new addition to our family. Our 4th grandchild and 3rd granddaughter, Sophia Lyn Verbeke was born Saturday, April 7th at 3:48 pm. She weighed 5 lbs. 10 oz and was 17.5 in. long. She has a full head of black hair and is the most beautiful little girl. She looks just like her mom, Brandy, when she was born. Big brother Richie and sister Savannah are extremely proud of her, sister Kalya who is only 14 months older doesn't know what to think of her except she likes to take Sophia's bottle, blanket and pacifier and Sophia doesn't talk back. Here are some pics of our newest beauty.

Mom, Brandy with Baby Sophia

Dad, Nathan, with Baby Sophia

Big Brother Seth (Richie) with Sophia

Big Sister Savannah with mom & Sophia

Baby Sophia wide awake

Big Sister Kalya with Sophia, she doesn't quite know what to think

All Roads Lead to God - Just Travel With Him As Pilot

Every Road Leads to God - Our GPS is just put on Scenic Route Sometimes

I have sat down several times with my computer just contemplating (big word eh?) on what to write about. There are so many things happening to so many people in our lives that I want to journal about each journey, but that would take days into weeks, into years...you get the picture. But what I have been thinking about the most, is each of us has to travel our own road, and each road will have it's hills, curves, potholes, smooth straight-aways, and rocky gravel. But the end will always lead to God because of our free will and choices. It doesn't mean everyone will choose Him, in fact, some will deny Him, some will ignore Him, some will deny He even exists, but in the end, we all will face the end of the road, our own mortality, and then come face to face with our Lord and our final destination. It's how we are traveling that matters and if we choose the correct road.

Many people I dearly love are going through such rough times. I read a dear friend's blog who is traveling a road of breast cancer while praising the Lord for her walk, a young teen girl, not even with her license yet has been traveling a road filled with pot holes and just learned yesterday her teen brother has taken his own life, she sits with the other youth supporting her this evening, praying for her. Another friend living in another state battles with a multitude of cancer riddling her body while her main concern is how her husband and daughter are traveling their road, another dear friend loses her beloved nephew of only 18 in a motorcycle accident and she watches as her brother tries to gather the tools to put together a way to navigate the new map of his life. 

What is our role in all the highway and bi ways of others traveling beside us. I believe that the biggest support we can have for anyone going through anything is as our youth pastor said tonight, "Just show up" you don't have to say a word, just be there.  Be there with prayer, with a hug, with food, with love, but be there. 

Please be in prayer for the many people in my life that are facing such challenges, I could name them, but God knows who they are, I just ask for their salvation, for peace for them and their families and miraculous healing if that is His will. Most of all I ask that you pray that in every instant that His glory shines through.

Heeeerrrreee's Zander! Starring Zander!

UPDATE: We are now 39 days into our wait for our Letter of Acceptance from China. We have been following many other families during their wait and most are at 70-76 days. If that's our case, we're over half-way there WooHoo!


We have been blessed once again by our friend, Lori Printy, with this video of our little boy. He doesn't seem too troubled by anyone there, just very curious as to who everyone is and why they are there. It was nap time and there was a lot going on at the time Lori got to visit. I have watched this video over and over and over again. Here are a few of the things I've been able to pick up in conversation.

They call him Jin Jin (I believe because his Chinese name is Jien) Lori told him "I know your mommy, you have a big blonde sister, you'll have to get used to blondes." He was brought to the foster home in February, a very sick little boy, the mom here said she didn't think he was going to make it. One hospital wouldn't admit him, then the international hospital admitted him, but they had to have payment up-front. He had his heart surgery and soon after he came home he started fattening up :). He had his club feet casted last summer and has them off, but he is very wobbly on his feet. Many children who have club feet have very tiny feet and learning to get their balance for walking takes a while, so it may be a while before he's walking.

He can say mom and dad and he knows several words in sign language that he has picked up from teaching the home teaching 2 deaf children to sign. The thing we were extremely happy to hear was that his asthma has improved so much, that he isn't on a daily breathing treatment any longer and has stayed very healthy since being off of it! God is so amazing! I will quote Lori verbatim here, "It was minutes before he went up for a nap. I checked on him a little later and he was in his nanny's arms getting a bottle. No propped bottles there. They are so well cared for. BY FAR the best care I have seen in the 15 orphanages I have visited. Cant wait for you to bring him home." I don't know about others adopting, but I can imagine, these words to us meant nothing short of tears of happiness and gratitude for his caregivers.

There's been a lot going through my mind this week. Heavy things. I was blessed to watch the journey of a friend bring home her daughter from China. I cherish her frankness and real-life adoption story because it wasn't sugar-coated, she told it like it was, and for her, it was a hard 2 weeks in China with her newest little princess. This made me start thinking of "What will it be like for our family?"

Zander has only known one home, a wonderful home with a foster family, a loving home, lots of attention and one-on-one care. Whereas our friend's little girl suffered in one of the poorest orphanages, not even knowing how to speak at age 3, then she was moved to a wonderful orphanage where she started to learn, but it was still an orphanage, without a mom or dad to call her own. But now she is adjusting and settling into her new family. She and they are so blessed to have one another and for us to call them friends.

Recently my oldest daughter quoted, "It takes a village to raise a child." This title was given to a book written by Hilary Clinton. But the proverb comes from African decent. There are others variations of this proverb in Africa, "A child does not grow up in a single home", "A child belongs not to one parent or home" etc.

This made me think of moms from the US. I truly believe it takes a "village" to raise a child. But the child must have a caretaker where they will learn to love, they are wanted, they are cherished and will always have someone, and the most important - about God who will always be there for them.